Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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