i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
