Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
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There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
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Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
don't judge my taste in strippers
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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