Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
