What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
