Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
