Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
