I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
