i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
