Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
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The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
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They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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