I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
how drunk are you?
Several
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
