i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
You dont lie about slip and slides
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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