i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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