I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
