Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
