Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
