I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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