we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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