ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
