There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
