No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
