If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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