You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
