guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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