Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
