She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
