I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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