I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.