She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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