he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
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You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
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this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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