walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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