When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
