If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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