I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
