Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
