chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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