so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
