I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
