remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
