im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Randomize
