I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
