Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
