Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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