Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Vodka?
Forever.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
