My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
