Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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