I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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