I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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