I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
