guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
