I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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