you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
