I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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