It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
