ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
