So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Randomize
