How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
