We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
