OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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