We won't sleep together?
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
